You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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