listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
