I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
