i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
