We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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