dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
