Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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