hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
