woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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