i need an iv and a liver transplant
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I have already put on my inside pants.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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