When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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