the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
