It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
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I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
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I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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