he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
