I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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