I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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