There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
