The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
