remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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