LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
