True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
