His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
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Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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