there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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