I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
