The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
