phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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