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I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Randomize
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