Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
