I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
