The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize