Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just cropdusted the office
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
