My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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