She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
