I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
