Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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