shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm