I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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