Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.

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  (631): If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me. http://tfl.nu/ugtt
  Replies (8) Good night (847) Bad night (1329)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?

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  (814): Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low? http://tfl.nu/5hhv
  Replies (29) Good night (841) Bad night (3964)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?

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  (248): Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit? http://tfl.nu/e30d
  Replies (24) Good night (7021) Bad night (713)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?

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  (727): I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what? http://tfl.nu/li5i
  Replies (37) Good night (5181) Bad night (2057)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"

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  (612): I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?" http://tfl.nu/juih
  Replies (11) Good night (5819) Bad night (1426)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.

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  (785): U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r. http://tfl.nu/crq7
  Replies (4) Good night (2753) Bad night (1045)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.

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  (403): They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside. http://tfl.nu/o1u3
  Replies (9) Good night (5414) Bad night (824)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.

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  (757): I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it. http://tfl.nu/htjg
  Replies (10) Good night (3063) Bad night (1210)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  we're about an hour out, how's the weather?

  (720): View more from Colorado

  cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.

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  (303): we're about an hour out, how's the weather? (720): cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home. http://tfl.nu/na0o
  Replies (14) Good night (6026) Bad night (1052)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.

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  (337): He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share. http://tfl.nu/463q
  Replies (2) Good night (2120) Bad night (870)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong

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  (704): we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong http://tfl.nu/wuam
  Replies (3) Good night (2358) Bad night (1015)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  We just shotgunned beers for America

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  (614): We just shotgunned beers for America http://tfl.nu/dv8f
  Replies (31) Good night (4070) Bad night (900)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink

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  (570): I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink http://tfl.nu/d7kc
  Replies (5) Good night (1108) Bad night (811)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.

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  (724): Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies. http://tfl.nu/sr2h
  Replies (17) Good night (2719) Bad night (512)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.

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  (206): I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again. http://tfl.nu/7eb6
  Replies (6) Good night (1180) Bad night (416)

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