WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
