Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.