the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
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I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
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Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday