I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Randomize
