I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
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i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
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woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.