My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
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I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
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Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth