Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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