just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
