Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
