just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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