This girl is more easily done than said...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I love having hate sex.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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