1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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