their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
