all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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