eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
