after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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