How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
