hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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