i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
