I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
