dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
