I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
