So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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