You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
