Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
