how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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