i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
