I cockslap morals
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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