why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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