For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I enjoy the company of your penis
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
