wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
