Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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