Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
