her vagine was all disorganized.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
