I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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