I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
