i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
