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im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
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